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| <back | home Elderhood: Change in Sex, Change in Life by Karin Leonard GIVING UP THE STRUGGLE Moving into Elderhood is a bittersweet time. We all work so hard to stay strong; not give up our life’s roles. Each year more of our strongest leaders struggle with the idea of “giving in to advancing age.” The wonder of it is that as soon as we let go of the struggle, the flow of new energy and wisdom begins. The struggle itself is part of the drain we feel! ELDERS AS WAY-SHOWERS We might have only a few inspiring people in our memory, but each one creates a big picture for us of how we might expand our thinking. This week, I met a wonderful new person...an 83-year-old (who startled me when she mentioned her age; she looked so vibrant and alive). She was returning from her Amtrak trip to visit family in Southern California. Dressed in jeans and a polo shirt, rolling one small carry-on, striding purposefully from train to bus, she was enjoying having someone else driving, now that her eyesight is preventing her from driving herself. Her frame of mind was what struck me. She is my newest example of someone living fearlessly, fruitfully, and with a spark of expanding aliveness. ELDERS GROW IN NEW WAYS We were learning to walk when were toddlers. We fell and fell and fell, each time brushing aside the fall and moving toward our goal of being able to walk. When we were in the prime of life, we moved confidently, powerfully pushing aside the impediments to our forward motion. As we age, the power begins to wane somewhat, especially as we pass into the confusing time of menopause. We find ourselves drained and trembling and discover that our struggles use up whatever energy we have left. We can’t brush this off, and we lose the ability to move toward our old goals. FINDING THE NEW BALANCE Our body struggles with the ceasing of our monthly cycle. It has been finely tuned to the moon and to our inner flow of energy. A new balance is slow to develop and takes more than a year. That year is a sacred (and often confusing time). Our mind struggles, too. Our fertility has been the center of our creative power, our role in the village, our definition of womanness. It was no accident that Native Americans entered the Elder Lodge only after the completion of their Moontime, or Menopause. The work of the transition is not a time of new input, but of completion, of releasing the old way. It is an inner struggle. Those who have gone before can be sources of guidance and support. THE GIFT OF MENOPAUSE The secret of Menopause is that there is a new kind of energy and focus to be had. It is after the long dark tunnel. After the essential loss of something familiar and even beloved, we are open to the new depth of life. Elderhood is certainly not a loss of power, but a transformation of power. It is a new form, which is ever more effective for its wisdom. MEN CHANGE TOO The change for men is subtle and threatening. Their way of responding to the world is affected by the shifts in their hormones. As their testosterone surges lessen and the gentling effects of estrogen appear, they are thrown by thoughts and reactions which are unfamiliar and therefore unsettling. Where before they kept their equilibrium by staying detached from relational urges, the new urge is to relate. Where aggressive responses were once familiar, now the first response is sometimes to repair and compromise, and feel surprised that the change is present. Some men fight the change as strongly as some women struggle with the menopausal, “What’s happening to me?...I’m not myself.” At the same time the men experience the gentling and nurturing effects of estrogen, women are experiencing the increase of testosterone. The quiet woman may change to the more focused, unstoppable and outspoken person, much like the men were when younger. The switch can be confusing for all concerned, but taken as a whole, a switch of roles can free the hidden strengths of a person to move into new areas of activity and interest. ELDERS AS THE LEADERS INTO THE UNKNOWN Elders can find new paths of thought. The wisest among us are freed to put their wisdom into the forefront of thought, as the Asian tradition sees the elders doing. As we age past our concerns with seeming eternally young, we can use our considerable abilities to guide, improve, correct and initiate the new directions of growth for our village. We have decades ahead of us, and the tools of Strength, education, experience, financial power, and privilege. Those tools may be rusting for lack of use, and it is our job to suit ourselves to be worthy of being heeded. Can we speak without being disrespectful? Can we honor dreams and goals that differ from our own? Might we learn essential concepts from our younger friends as we become more fruitful? Shall we insist on being shielded from hard work, or shall we choose what task we will put our weight into and then push with all our strength? It is our task to make use of all we have left to give in a good way. The ancient civilizations made use of their elders, and the elders were ready. Are we? Karin Leonard <back | top^ |