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| <back | home The Clitoris as Bridge to the Vagina by Diana Richardson Certainly peak orgasms do feel good in themselves; but they beckon us away from the orgasmic state-the relaxed expansion (of the same energy) that lies at the other end of the spectrum. However, some women report that through stimulating the clitoris and having a quick peak orgasm, they can relax more into their orgasmic nature. The quick release skims off tensions present in the system, and this can have a relaxing effect on a woman. And relaxation is basic to orgasm. When relaxed, a woman will suddenly feel more sensual, feminine, and receptive, with the vagina more available. So a woman can use the clitoris as a bridge to the vagina, but if she peaks in this way during penetration she gets there at some risk to herself. As we know, man easily ejaculates with the final onrushes of female excitement, thus ending the approach to her deeper orgasmic state. Some women also say that a bit of clitoral stimulation can raise their temperature to a full yes to penetration. Some women, in experimenting, say it is a relief to turn away from the imperative to go all the way for a peak orgasm with the clitoris; instead, at some point it feels right to say, “That’s enough, I want you in me now,” and then to relax into penetration without effort. Many women prefer oral stimulation of the clitoris to other types of clitoral stimulation because it’s wet, it can be sensuous and silky, and there’s no irritation from rough, calloused fingers. Even oral stimulation is not appreciated so much when it gets hard and fast and rhythmic-it builds too much tension, too much pressure to climax. Oral (or any) stimulation of the clitoris requires a new attitude: It should be like a short visit just to say a loving hello and then to move on. Oral sex can be used in support of awakening the energy but not to produce a full-blown orgasm; it can be used in support of remaining in excitation states without getting overexcited. As we know, many women don’t even expect to reach orgasm during actual intercourse, with the penis in the vagina. Their peak results from some form of direct oral and/or manual stimulation of the clitoris, which is in fact most easily achieved without penetration. Or it comes from pelvic rocking to stimulate the clitoris during intercourse. (A woman might think, “Of course he’s going to come before I do once he gets in there. That doesn’t mean I need to give up peak orgasms. It just means I need to have a quick orgasm before he goes in, or manage one after he’s come.”) On top of this, clitoral stimulation is generally assumed to be essential to female orgasm. But here is new information: One of the biggest differences between conventional sex and tantric sex is that, in the latter, women can experience orgasmic states with the penis in the vagina. In fact, penetration is a necessary part of how the polarities work together to bring us into the orgasmic state. Leaking the sexual energy through momentary experiences, pleasing though they may be, is ultimately not enriching or uplifting and neither is it empowering for a woman. If a woman is curious about her clitoris and about exploring it from a completely different angle, it will be interesting to know that tantra recognizes the existence of a subtle nerve that connects the clitoris to the little hollow above the upper lip.’ Gaining control over this secret nerve route can enhance the pleasures of lovemaking for woman and man. During lovemaking this subtle channel can be activated through visualization. Then, a man can greatly enhance this activation by kissing the upper lip of his woman, gently sucking and tugging on it, thereby stimulating one end of the channel. At the same time the woman can, if she wishes, take the lower lip of her man into her mouth and do the same. From “Tantric Orgasm for Women” by Diana Richardson <back | top^ |