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<back | home The Greening of America, 2005 Sex, Drugs, and Guns Collide with Twenty-First Century Environmentalism by Katie Renz As a whole, the environmental and progressive movements are succeeding on several fronts, championing "reform" as the guiding mantra rather than embracing that powerful yet often divisive threat of revolution. Liberal TV stations, hybrid cars, green capitalism, organic American Spirit cigs, biodegradable clamshell to-go containers, and John Kerry as the antidote to Bush all come to mind. These arguably beneficial improvements have their place, perhaps. I’m beginning to think, however, that if we’re not going to commit to full-throttle revolution, we should at least reconsider the change we can affect within the seedy underbelly of communities across our lovely nation, and embrace some novel tactics. Such as: 1. SUSTAINABLE STRIPPING San Francisco’s strippers enjoy the bargaining power of unionization, Madam Heidi Fleiss was regarded by many as a smart business woman, and a porn star ran for California governor last November (along with half the wackos in the state, but whatever). I’ve often wondered how I, a young American female who hardly comes from wealth (at least, not wealth in real dollars) and wants to kill Horatio Alger on a good day, could ever finance my bucolic dream of purchasing acreage for a permaculture farm, etc. Of course, what instantly comes to mind for a wholesome gal like myself, who doesn’t wish to fling herself into professional prostitution but does have pretty good rhythm, is stripping. The art of taking off one’s clothes and shimmying on a pole for money is increasingly viewed as a valid path towards female empowerment instead of as necessarily degrading to all womankind and just another form of sexist exploitation. And, honestly, how many of us haven’t entertained the thought of exotic dancing, of costuming in pasties and stilettos, of rockin’ silver poles, of thongs entwined with dollar bills? There are several ways to promote sustainable living through such a naked, undulating trade. There’s the obvious: Major cash-flow. Simply put, would you rather serve mochas in disposable cups to tourists for minimum wage or dance in the buff to finance the down payment on that coveted land for your intentional micro-eco-village? There are the outfits (or general lack thereof): Instead of donning lacy undies and barely-there g-strings from Victoria’s Secret -- a corporation profiting from the nimble fingers of prisoners paid mere change per hour (Yes! Your panties were fondled by convicted felons!) -- why not partner with American Apparel, a Los Angeles-based company committed to a sweatshop-free workforce? Then there’re the more creative interfaces between the sex and the sustainability scenes. For example, anyone who’s ever participated in a natural building workshop knows that cob can be sexy, stomping with strangers-turned-friends in bare feet, delighting in the sensuality of mud. The wetness of clay slip (aka watered-down clay, used to coat straw or as a base for earthen paints) has inspired many a touchy-feely afternoon. It’s primal, carnal, and could be easily extended to the stage with the addition of a magenta wig or sequined bra. Or, lap dances seem an appropriate opportunity to proselytize about the movement. Imagine whispering permaculture principals in some horny dude’s ear. The problem’s the solution, baby, and never forget to share that surplus. 2. FAIR TRADE COCAINE You got your guiltless coffee, your chocolate made by workers over six-years-old, what about that other stimulant that starts with a "C" and comes from our friendly neighbors down in South America? I can hear the J.J. Cale riff now. If, dear reader, you advocate some DAREesque, purist stance against cocaine, it’s high time to realize that coke -- a traditionally sacred substance to the Incan peoples (and thus, automatically okay because it did not originate with white imperialists) -- is not going to go away. According to an MSNBC article, in 2001, Americans composed 90 per cent of the $36 billion cocaine trade with Colombia. Imagine if we outlawed chocolate or coffee. An underground illicit trade would flourish, surely, and I’ve no doubt that you or someone close to you would gladly support it. And people think we enviros are so pissy, so apocalyptic, such party-poopers. Well, we’ll show them! Fair-trade cocaine would help ravaged Colombian ecosystems as well as all humanity in a myriad of interconnected ways. Most importantly, it could affect Plan Colombia, a $1.3 billion counter-insurgency effort that calls for coca plant eradication through the aerial spraying of Monsanto Round-Up Ultra (glysophate), a broad-spectrum defoliant, over the landscape and people. This U.S.-backed mass poisoning could be potentially ended through consumer movements in the North coupled with indigenous producer efforts in the South. Economically -- like the producers of other caffeinated consumables -- coca farmers almost always come away with less money than it cost to produce their end product. But by creating coca cooperatives, cutting out the middleman, and getting slightly higher prices for sustainably-grown, harvested, and processed coke, peasant farmers would be able to exit a vicious cycle of poverty and debt and into a secure and stimulated global market. Such financial security -- combined with the creation of stronger links (based in a large part on drug addiction) between wealthy Northern tweakers and struggling Southern suppliers -- would form a vital sense of empowerment on the individual, community, and national scales. Furthermore, farmers could transition back to organic coca growing -- certified by an international body (already in place in Afghanistan’s lucrative poppy fields) -- resulting in healthier, pesticide-free blow. Additionally, habitat would be created for native songbirds and various species endemic to coca ecosystems. Help make every line you snort a vote for fair-trade! 3: 100% RECYCLED GUNS We’ve got to close the loop on the arms trade. It’s industrial ecology at its finest black market level. Gangsters dig the environment, man. As Ed Abbey once wrote: "The rifle and the handgun are ‘equalizers’-- the weapons of a democracy. Tanks and bombers represent dictatorship." Like uppers and exotic dancers, arms of the non-bodily sort -- AKs, shotguns, 45s, whatever your preferred trigger -- will not disappear regardless of how many liberals peacefully smother their bumpers with anti-Second Amendment stickers. In 1994, according to the Violence Policy Center, a quarter of Americans owned a collective 192 million firearms. Perhaps, then, it’s time to accept that we want weapons, whether to protect ourselves from the inherent tyranny of the government or simply to give us that sense of security no amount of communion with nature or spiritual path-finding provides on a mass, mainstream level. If Michael Moore ever bursts into my home unannounced, I want to be prepared. Modern guns are composed primarily of plastic, aluminum, and steel. Most of us know plastic sucks for the twin reasons (a.) it’s derived from petroleum, and (b.) it takes an undetermined number of hundreds of years to decompose. Absurd amounts of electricity are required to transform bauxite into aluminum. And steel is another resource that can be successfully and profitably recycled, avoiding gouging holes in the earth to mine iron and emitting less greenhouse gases into the atmosphere. Weaponry recycling is a wonderful opportunity to capitalize on an unfilled market niche. It would create hundreds of jobs (collection, disassembling, recycling, redistribution), and usher in yet another feel-good product for green consumers everywhere. The gun trade would become exemplary of the maxim of Zero Waste. Best of all, Americans could keep their guns -- under the bed (is the safety on, honey?) and out of the landfill. Naked chicks with eco-agendas, fair-trade certified nose candy, and guns crafted without virgin materials represent only the beginning of a new approach to environmentalism. Together, in grassroots communities across the country and beyond, we can change the world. Katie Renz thinks Ed Abbey, Kurt Cobain, eating carrots in recliners, and That 70s Show are all pretty funny. <back | top^ |