What Does
Mediation
have to
do with
Sustainability,
Community,
Friendship
and the
Chumash?  

by
Roberta
Reyes
Cordero, JD

 

"…(T)he more I see of the world, the clearer it becomes that no matter what our situation…we all desire to be happy and to avoid suffering. Our every intended action, in a sense our whole life…can be seen as our answer to the great question which confronts us all: ‘How am I to be happy?’…Everything we do, not only as individuals but also at the level of society, can be seen in terms of this fundamental aspiration. Indeed, it is one shared by all sentient beings...It is in our nature. As such, it needs no justification and is validated by the simple fact that we naturally and correctly want this." – HH the Dalai Lama, Ethics for the New Milennium

 

And so, disputes are born. There you are bumping merrily along when your pursuit of happiness collides with your sibling’s, or your friend’s, or your neighbor’s. Even if you can each get past the I’m-the-one-who’s-right stage long enough to acknowledge you both deserve to be happy, how in the world do you sort out the areas of conflict that caused the collision? The key is to understand underlying needs not only for yourself but also for the other party. Those needs (or "interests") can be very basic: enough to eat, a safe place to live, appropriate clothing. Or they can hinge on self-esteem, status, reputation, the need to be loved the list is a long one. Often, when needs are understood and acknowledged, common ground can be found and a variety of ways to satisfy those needs can be explored.

I imagine that in every human society and maybe in some non-human communities, as well there have always been mediators, individuals especially sought out because of skill at being "the equal friend of each". I also imagine that at some time in our lives, each one of us regardless of skill or wisdom is asked to settle a dispute or two between friends or relatives. When that happens, we might agree "to interpose between parties" even while kicking and screaming in protest because we don’t really want to get in the middle or believe ourselves to be wise. We don’t want to take sides, the very thing most disputants have in mind. On the other hand, we might believe we have the answer and want to step in whether or not we are invited. So I also want to talk about the dynamic and delicate balance that is mediator impartiality and why we all might learn something about that on our way to becoming responsible human beings on a distressed planet.

What might make it worth it to get in the middle, to agree "to negotiate between persons at variance with a view to reconciliation?" Why should we care whether they reconcile? And who wants to be around argument and conflict, anyway? Why don’t they just get over it?

Mediation and sustainability: a question of community

Successful dispute resolution whether through mediation or another method is essential to sustainable living on this planet. As an indigenous person with roots deep in this particular place, I often ponder how it was that my Chumash ancestors could live in one area for 10,000 or more years in a stable and sustainable manner up until the time their natural lifestyle was mortally disrupted. A sustainable lifestyle requires complex and daily cooperation for how else could they manage to get along with one another for all that time?! We know from our stories that they were far from angelic, engaging in a full array of disputes from petty to drastic; and yet somehow they returned to enough harmony to keep things working for a very long time. Even more awesome is the fact that my ancestors’ ability in this regard was not singular: there are countless examples of now-disrupted lifeways that were sustainable over millennia.

What are the common and most essential characteristics which were key to the success of extremely diverse yet sustainable societies? The first, from which all else follows, is living in exquisite intimacy with one’s "place" on the earth. This is interactive, not merely a passive admiration for a land- or waterscape which we find aesthetically pleasing. A habitat* provides certain possibilities for its inhabitants of every size and kind, and those inhabitants may subsist there successfully over time only if they give and receive within those parameters. Implied is the fact that disputes over resources will always arise. Also implied is the existence of effective dispute resolution mechanisms to assure that the quantity and manner of use of resources by the humans is supportable by the habitat. The best interests of each and every life form must be taken into account. (*I use this word in a very broad sense to mean all of a subsistence area a people might use, whether the people are sedentary or nomadic.)

From the disciplined practice of living within the parameters of one’s habitat comes the knowledge of true community, the true experience of being a strand in the lifeweb. We are affected by the needs of every aspect of creation around us. And we affect every aspect of creation because we are never not a part of the lifeweb. We can conclude that a community is not merely a collection of humans living in proximity to one another and other entities, each floating along in separate bubbles. A community is more than a group of persons sharing a common profession or a cause, however worthy. The members of a community are functioning parts not only of one another’s lives, but also of the habitat they share. They are emotionally attached to one another and to that place, taking responsibility and making sacrifice for the well-being of each and all according to circumstances.

The polar opposite of community is American rugged individualism which says that in order to survive we must compete against not only one another but against the very earth from which we spring. It says we humans are entitled to take whatever and however much we want without accountability or cooperation. It is true that individualism has provided stunning material success, power, and perhaps a fleeting happiness for a small percentage of the world population but only at the cost of misery for millions of humans and other beings as well as destruction across the planet. The bitter irony, of course, is that this kind of "success" eats its own children, poisons its own garden, fouls its own nest which are the children, the garden, the nest of all of us. No exceptions.

How can we now un-foul our nest?

When I first became a mediator, I was taught that I should be as neutral as possible. That meant or at least I thought it meant that I was to be indifferent in some way. At the very least, I should not have biases for or against one or the other person that would influence how I conducted a mediation. This was very difficult because I find that I usually care a lot whether people are happy or not. Conversely, if someone rubs me the wrong way, it’s easy to "awfulize" him/her. Over time, I understood that I did not have to be indifferent to be effective. Then it became OK to have my own feelings and opinions about disputes I mediated, only not reveal them unless they were strong enough to create a conflict.

More recently, my personal/professional evolution has brought me to a place that is impartial and balanced because it supports each party in meeting her/his needs. What this entails is spending separate time listening deeply to each one in order to gain a thoroughgoing understanding of that person’s interests and issues as well as understanding their view of the dispute and of the others involved. The prize is that the trust and rapport developed in the private meetings greatly enhances the ability of the mediator to guide the parties to the heart of the dispute during the group sessions. Even better, each one is prepared to listen to and appreciate the other person’s interests and be willing to support the other’s interests. This is cooperation at its most amazing.

Why might this be important to you, especially if you have no intention of becoming a mediator? Specifically, what can it have to do with sustainability and community and healing the earth?

I think the single most powerful skill in the mediator’s toolbag is listening: listening and describing what we heard, and listening again until we actually hear what the speaker wants us to hear. It takes time, discipline, and an inner stillness ready to receive, ready to imagine what it is like for that person to be in his/her life. It takes time to go back and get it right and humility to ask again because we weren’t paying attention. This is how we must listen to our own habitats, to our own planet from the smallest creature to the greediest human being. In many and surprising ways, each can tell us what its needs are. We can also say what our needs are. We can "interpose between (those) at variance with a view to reconciliation," helping each to hear the other. Thus we begin to reweave ourselves into our proper communities as equal and passionate friends of each aspect of creation. Equal. That means that, as humans, our interests are not more or less important than any other being. The pursuit of happiness…

Resources:

Spider Woman’s Granddaughters and Grandmothers of the Light by Paula Gunn Allen

Ethics for the New Millennium by HH the Dalai Lama

For This Land, Red Earth, White Lies and God is Red by Vine Deloria, Jr.,

The State of Native America, ed. by M. Annette Jaimes

In the Absence of the Sacred by Jerry Mander

American Holocaust by David Stannard.

Roberta Reyes Cordero, JD, lives in Santa Barbara CA where she is a mediator/trainer and Coordinator for Community Programs at Community Mediation Program. She is also a mediator/trainer for Indian Dispute Resolution Services of Sacramento CA and a founding Board member and coordinator for Chumash Maritime Association, a local Chumash non-profit promoting the revitalization of indigenous maritime culture. In addition, she sits on the Channel Islands National Marine Sanctuary Advisory Council as an at-large alternate. Ms. Cordero has been a mediator for fourteen years.