Allowing
Expression
of our
Personal
Wilderness
to deal with
Conflicts

by
Bob Banner

 

Warning: the following article explores some highly volatile methods for "conflict resolution." In order to use some of these methods, one ought to be in a safe place... safe, in that everyone involved is well acquainted with these methods and has agreed to participate in this radical experiment. Also, it must be noted that these methods can be used only during a specific phase of one’s personal development... It is hoped that any form of emotional catharsis from previous early childhood wounds can be expedited within a very short time and a more mature method toward reconciliation can be discovered.

 

Conflicts in our intentional community were dealt with head on. Often with yelling, wresting, crying, screaming, punching, boxing... either in pillows, in people’s faces or on the phone. There was an unwritten rule that you had 48 hours to muster the energy to confront the person. After 48 hours, it was considered moot. You had to let go.

But within those 48 hours the community often felt like it was a training school in conflict-making rather than healing. After a meeting, a run, outing, or shopping if one did not "feel right" with a person, one needed to "clear" up the air. It was actually required of you to engage in conflicts, even magnifying them so we could get in touch with all the messiness of our wounded psyches before we could eventually begin to heal. And because of this newly established paradigm, we found ourselves clearing and processing most of the time. Even at work, we would find ourselves in locked vans, or hidden behind bushes processing away. Yelling, screaming, crying... whatever it took to deal with the ongoing disputes and disharmonies throughout the day. Our houses were bolted shut so the sound would not travel to our next door neighbors. We would do "dynamic meditations" that were extremely loud Indian music based on Bhagwan Rajneesh’s notion of cathartic healing. We had contained rooms where the sounds were sealed so we could scream bloody murder and get in touch with the craziness that often times would emerge when one chose to go nuts with the energy that had been blocked for years, perhaps millenniums. We were working with energy, experimenting with new scripts, newly discovered feelings... energy that is both dark and light that often times needs to be expressed. For a group of people who had been repressed most of our lives this seemed like a miracle. Often times it was extremely frightening to walk into the fire of the unknown, the fire of disturbing emotions. We would soon discover why repression was so popular... since mundane, mediocre lives are safe and secure while the unknown and the mysterious was not. We understood only too clearly why people preferred to keep the lid closed rather than let the air breathe the torment and craziness that was locked behind the doors.

How could we heal the violence that was done to us? How could we finally become the generation that had the guts to confront a dysfunctional system and charge through it with passion, clarity, understanding and wisdom?

In our individual households we’d hear people phoning others to clear matters, or to emotionally process. At times there would be a circle of a few people around the person on the phone sensing, feeling the situation and helping the person be direct, outrageous and vulnerable depending on the situation. An outsider to this scene would immediately view this experiment as lunacy especially when we were expressing ourselves days at a time, weeks on end, months moving into years. This was certainly no one-weekend workshop where you could go home after catharting for a few strenuous hours. This was home... and we were building a new society.

For example, Carol would be yelling and ranting at Tom exposing her energetic responses to something Tom had said. He pushed her buttons and she was about to dump everything she had on him. Tom stood his ground, investigating his sensations all the while allowing Carol’s fire to penetrate him. At times, Tom would immediately become vulnerable... allowing her fire to touch the wound that he was hiding. If she was resilient enough to see and feel both her own energy as well as his... there could be a resolution, a healing, a combining of energy where compassion emerged energetically. It was not a concept. It was visceral, palpable and was totally experienced.

This was all an experiment in getting to the truth of the matter. It was very messy (emotionally as well as physically) but often times we got right to the point. After being yelled at one often felt jolted to an altered state of consciousness where the person’s vibration penetrated the ego armor. If vulnerability was accessed, remarkable things happened. In many of the conflicts I witnessed, frequently a movement from defensiveness and neurotic posturing evolved quickly to vulnerable surrendering where people ended up sobbing in each others arms.

At times I wished government leaders could deal with conflicts this way rather than send in troops of young people to die because of their impotent negotiations and strategies.

Can you imagine Arafat and Barak (or choose any of your ordinary political or non-political leaders) getting in an energetic shouting match inside a circle of "gnostic intermediaries" or neutral observers allowing them to go for it with as much nastiness they could muster... so that just perhaps they could get to that point where their deep wounds could not be hidden from each other. Often times it takes more energy to repress than it takes to let down. It takes more courage to enter into the vulnerable realm of the unknown rather than holding on for dear life one’s predictable posturings. But one doesn’t truly know that until they genuinely experience it.

Perhaps we need to forgo all the usual modes of "peaceful" negotiations and niceties and explore this new method of wild ruthlessness (contained in a safe place). If the leaders don’t go all out themselves then why do they expect their own people to kill and get killed. Leaders need to do everything they can for a resolution before the troops are called in.

Perhaps, just perhaps, a vibration resolution could happen, a taste of grounded visceral resolution could take place so that the ongoing ordinary negotiations had a firmer and more truthful foundation. Perhaps they could see, hear and taste the other’s sense of rightness. Perhaps they could then see the other’s respect for who they were representing. Perhaps they could feel the other’s sense of commitment and honor for their people. Perhaps they could taste each others wounds that now could bind them toward a path for peace where all the ordinary methods failed to touch.

After three years of living like this where processing, breakdown and breakthroughs became part of living I saw how powerful it was, saw how dangerously abusive it could be, how liberating it was to see a child, for example, yell at their parents for the abuse it felt and to witness the parents go deep beyond the secrecy and reveal and feel the shame... and breakthrough to a place where the wounds could begin to heal.

Never in my wildest imagination did I ever dream of encountering a group so committed to "truth." But it is certainly not for everyone. One needs much physical strength to endure such emotional/vibrational face to face combative healing – and that is why each of us were required to run 3 miles three times a week and engage in yoga, body building or a sport discipline.

I merely want to report this alternative to the usual more quiet form of conflict resolution strategies that are expressed in this issue. It is wild, crazy, and very messy. It is quite scary to walk into the wild nature of unruly emotions with the faith that just perhaps you’ve touched on an ingredient for deeper healing... and that our separation from each other (that ego so desperately thrives on) can possibly be suspended for a moment, or a few hours... to at least give us the visceral foundation of a state where we really know that we are not separate... and what we do to one another, we really do to ourselves.