At various times I have been either an activist or apathetic. I believe I know a bit about both.

Knowing at least something about how our political and economic systems actually function and about the myths perpetrated by the media, I have been frustrated, disillusioned, angry, burned out, cynical and a drop out. It has seemed so much easier to “let it go.” For years I ignored the ugliness, sank into denial, and worked only on acquiring material possessions in the Great American Consumption Dance.

But this mode of living requires a price to be paid: A disconnect between my moral/ethical values and my daily life. A curtain in front of my soul that I dare not look behind. A deadening of the senses and a lack of authenticity.

I was fortunate enough to experience a sudden and catastrophic financial loss. This helped me to realize I had been serving the God of Money and revealed the first crack in the wall of denial behind which I had been hiding. A relationship break-up pushed me further down to a place where I felt I had nothing left to lose. Even so, when 9-11 occurred, it was difficult to make the conscious decision to seek the truth, no matter where it led. Much more difficult was the decision to speak out about what I was learning, as I knew it would change many of my relationships.

But life works in mysterious ways. The raising of my consciousness has been much like the removal of a veil from my eyes. The psychic energy I had been expending keeping things from view is no longer needed. I have more energy, and my creativity has soared.

And while it is true that many people I had once considered friends, some for as long as 30 years, no longer feel comfortable around me, nor I with them, it is also true that I have made new friends. Genuine and precious bonds that more than compensate for the loss.

Eventually I began to see activism as my salvation from irrelevance and triviality. But this urge springs from within. It is not something I do because I feel I “ought to.” In talking with others I urge them to look inward for the source of their unhappiness. If, as a result, they should find that taking action against the empire is what they can feel passionate about, then they will do themselves irreparable good and be a valuable asset to the cause.

Becoming an activist, I have exposed myself to an entirely new range of challenges and opportunities for growth. Perhaps the most important involves the subtle interplay between means and end. To focus on the end, to the exclusion of the means, is to sink into a heartless, Machiavellian existence. Buddhist insights I have been granted reveal that one can only decide what action to take in the here and now, which is all that exists. Thus, it is only the means that one can determine. The end will just have to take care of itself.

No matter how smart I think I am, I can never be certain that a particular action will have its desired consequence. And the nature of the unintended consequence is directly related to the means utilized. Thus, the “blowback” (in CIA jargon) from the violent and subversive means the U.S. has used to fight communism and to instill regional stability has brought us Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein. But beyond that, a desired goal is limited by my ability to imagine it. The wonderful aspect of Nature is that she is not so confined. She is capable of much more than what my rational mind can envision, if I just give her the chance. Thus, I am quite prepared to reap whatever a mindful and loving tending of my activist garden will grow. This way of looking at life removes the anger and frustration of things not turning out right. However they turn out is, by definition, “right.” And it allows me to enjoy the process rather than waiting until my pre-defined goal has been attained. Thus, I can avoid burn out and persevere more effectively for a longer period of time. Ironically, by giving up on the outcome, a more positive outcome becomes more likely.

But the interplay is subtle because I certainly work towards a goal when choosing my actions. At the moment I am involved in an effort to get KCBX to air Democracy Now! This one-hour award-winning independent national news program stands in stark contrast to the mindless parroting of official PR spokespersons. Aired five times a week, it may go a long way towards presenting the progressive voice to those who have not already heard it. I feel confident that it will resonate with some people and help to swell our ranks. [Go to the Democracy Now! page at Hopedance.org for more information].

Bob Banner and I recently met with Frank Lanzone and Guy Rathbun, the programming decision-makers at KCBX. My hope was to establish a friendly relationship with them and present our proposal in a non-threatening way. I can now report that this is exactly what occurred. I tried to remain open to new information and new ways of looking at old information as I find this a very liberating experience. I reminded myself that what I care most about is the truth, wherever it may lead, so I was able to relax and allow myself to learn something about their concerns. I believe my willingness to listen to their concerns helped them to hear mine. While Bob and I did not walk away with a commitment from them to begin airing the program immediately, we may have taken the first step in that direction (stay tuned). At the very least, a rapport was established, and the entire situation is now more favorable than it was before the meeting. Most important, I was able to stay true to my spiritual/philosophical beliefs, using only constuctive and compassionate means.

This dance will continue and, as Alan Watts said, the objective of a dance is not to finish first. I plan on enjoying it to the fullest. I hope that some who read this will consider moving past their denial and apathy. It need not be the depressing and fearful experience they might imagine. Perhaps they too may find a more meaningful and joyous existence.